Exploring the Fixing Fantasy
In the late 1980’s, a film entitled Look Who’s Talking came out in which Bruce Willis gave voice to the inner thoughts and feelings of an infant. I will never forget one scene in that movie, because of its eloquent demonstration of a piece of human development. The baby’s mother is leaning over his crib, with the […]
The Art of Accompanying
A few years ago, the University of Denver administration conducted interviews with corporate CEO’s and upper level management within the government to determine what their students should be learning in order to be attractive in the current job market. The consistent answers were the ability to work in teams and good EQ. Interesting that the art […]
Motivating the Therapist
It has been said almost too many times that treating couples is very hard work. But, so what. Most couple therapists aren’t afraid of hard work. What they don’t like is working too hard and feeling like they are getting nowhere. It is very difficult to stay motivated that way. I know that therapists are […]
Motivating Couples to Stay in Tr...
The theoretical foundations, structure and techniques of Neurodynamic Couples Therapy provide built-in motivators that enhance a couple’s desire to stay in treatment. Those primary motivators are hope, respect and mutual understanding. Most people who seek mental health treatment are experiencing some level of hopelessness, so it logically follows that all good treatment should provide hope for improvement. […]
Exploring the Wish to Flee
Fleeing treatment is an understandable wish. Effective Neurodynamic Couples Therapy is often frightening and painful–sometimes horribly painful. Metabolizing historical feelings requires that they be relived precisely as intensely as they were originally experienced when first stored, along with the perceived sense of danger that was present in the original experience. It makes sense to be […]
Sticking With It–Part 2
There is no doubt that treating couples is often quite difficult. This is a primary reason that many therapists decide to not treat couples at all. In fact, statistics say that the rate of failure for couple therapy is higher than for individual therapy. Sticking with couple therapy requires knowing how to deal with moments […]
Sticking With It
Frequently in my consultation groups, I hear from therapists, “They just aren’t getting it.” They are referring to the couples they are treating who feel particularly frustrating to the therapist. “We’ve talked about the same things over and over again, and nothing is changing,” exclaims the exasperated therapist. I gently explain to the therapist that […]
Growth and Development as Byprod...
What is it that creates human psychological growth and development? To borrow from Winnicott, it takes “good enough” relationships, the type that all therapists strive to have with their clients. Children must feel sufficiently mentally and physically safe in the relationships with their caretakers for their brains to proceed with a natural flow towards useful […]
Dealing With The Right Pain
I recently attended a conference on what to do when psychotherapy feels stuck–when it feels like you are talking about the same material over and over again and partners keep presenting the same subjective distress. I was sitting in the audience thinking that therapy gets stuck when the therapist and clients are not dealing with the […]
The “Sameness” of In...
Some forms of couple therapy have emphasized the importance of helping couples differentiate–helping them see each other as two separate individuals, instead of succumbing to a type of “twinning” where only alikeness is tolerated. There are certainly benefits to helping couples resist the draw to substitute being alike for being close. However, ignoring the nonconscious “sameness” […]